Starring:

Bhogiram aka Lungiman - A character with a mix of Bond 007,Neo from Matrix, 'The great thalli' Rajinikant, who has a penchant for Lungis.
Billo Rani - The young,vivacious and sexy lass.Lungiman's love interest.
Kung Fu Anna - Like Jai and Veeru,Lungiman's best friend,and the owner of "Chaineej Staal".
Manhoos Patla alias Lukkha Banarasi Panwala - A skinny shady character.
Aslam Bhurjiwala alias Khan Mota - The dreaded underworld Don from Abu Dhabi.
Shotgun Papa - Billo's Papa and a trigger happy man.
Sadakchhaap - The rabies infested stray dog of the colony.
Khujli - The stinky,scratchy big tabby tomcat.
Pooch - Billo's pet dog.

Cameos :

Kala murga : The giant rooster.The only creature Sadakchhaap is scared of.
Punjab Rifles Daadi : The trigger happy,but misfiring granny of Billo.
Babu Baatli : The unknown entity Lungiman works for,as a detective.

Special Appearance :

Chhuee Muuee Si Nautanki Wali : For the 'must have' item song in the story.





It was perhaps,the worst day of his life.The plan had backfired.Oh well, literally so.Bhogiram aka lungiman was hanging upside down from the banyan tree branch,with his rear fired upon indiscriminately and mercilessly by shotgun papa. Gravity seems to work at all the wrong times,so he thought,as he hung onto dear life. His trademark lungi was nowhere to be seen.To make matters worse, there were more holes in his underwear now, than the polka dotted print on it,tattered by the continuous firing.Fortunately for him, he was able to dodge every single bullet fired upon him.Or perhaps, he could thank his fate that Sadakchhaap,the rabies infested stray dog of the colony, had ambushed and attacked Shotgun Papa that morning, and he had lost his glasses on the streets. But from the other end of the house, intermittent firing continued. It was Punjab rifles daadi with her ancient rifle in her wry, shivery hands. The other people in the colony ran for cover,anywhere they could,because she seemed to fire everywhere except the target. The man hanging upside down.. Lungiman..

But for lungiman, it was like homecoming. So what if this wasn’t the welcome he had expected,but afterall,the firing was coming from the house across the street. The house where his sweetheart lived. Billo Rani. The thought of her,made him sigh! Afterall,Billo was a young,vivacious and sexy lass,who had made him fall head over heels,the first time he had seen her strolling across her balcony,as he stood by the Lukkha Banarasi Panwala stall,at the corner of the street. One look at her, and he had lost his heart. As he munched his paan, he filled in all the air in his lungs he could, and gave out a wolf whistle..Phooyi phooyeeee… That was enough to draw Billo’s attention. As she looked across the street, she was completely bowled over by the charming man.Lungiman was afterall in his favorite bright red shirt, and his trademark white lungi.His hairstyle reminded her of her first crush! Who else,but the superstar,Rajnikant. So it was love at first sight. She held her hands to her heart and sighed,”Haaye! The guy of my dreams is here!” Smiling shyly, she had winked at him.And that was where it all began…

“Bhogi, you are going to regret what you just did!” said Lukkha banarasi alias Manhoos Patla,the owner of the paan stall.



Lukkha was a shady character and no one knew about his exact intentions or nature of work.Many in the area used to believe that he worked as an informer for the underworld. A tall,skinny, almost malnourished guy,he was infamous as Manhoos Patla among the local goons. The paan stall was just a way to hide his more sinistrous and clandestine activities. Some used to say, Manhoos Patla used to work for Aslam Bhurjiwala alias Khan Mota from Abu Dhabi.

Lungiman was a regular at his paan stall for his favorite banarasi paan. Back then, Lungiman used to be a struggling karamchand jasoos wannabe.It was Manhoos Patla who had helped him get a job at the Babu Baatli Detective and Stalking agency.Lungiman never understood why Manhoos Patla was helping him. All that he did, seemed to be suspicious. If there was one person in the world he truly had faith on, it was Kung Fu Anna,who owned a “Chaineej Staal” near Manhoos Patla’s Paan stall. Kung Fu Anna hailed from Bangalore, and during the struggling days of Lungiman, he had often served Veg schezwan noodles to him at 5% discounted rates.Kung Fu anna was a fan of Jhakki Chan and used to try all his stunts at home, and had often landed in hospital with a broken jaw or a bone,only with Lungiman,by his side. The two were natural friends and Kung Fu Anna would often help Lungiman in the assignments he used to get from Babu Baatli. No one had ever seen Babu Baatli. He used to give orders only on the phone. But as long as Lungiman was getting paid for his work, he was happy with the equation.

Back then,Lungiman didn’t know Billo. One fine day,Babu Baatli called him up and told him about a new assignment, and that the details will be given by Manhoos Patla. The mission seemed quite simple to Lungiman. All he had to do was, perch the tree across the street of Billo’s house every night after 11, and as soon as the lights of her room would be switched off,he had to raise his lungi to his knees and whistle twice.That was a signal for Kung Fu Anna loitering on the other side of the block to light a torch as a signal for some murky shadows lurking way further away,towards the other end of the colony.

What was intriguing for Lungiman was that after the lights went off, there was a strange glow coming from billo’s room,something like which he had never seen before. But he never gave it much thought as long as he was getting paid for the work.The only nuisance for Lungiman was Khujli,a big tabby tomcat, who was absolutely unafraid of him, and would often pounce on him from her strategic location, perched atop a branch higher on the tree. Many a times, Khujli had taken him completely by surprise and had almost made him fall off the tree. And down there, Sadakchhaap was forever waiting to shred him to pieces, snarling and showing his big canine teeth,with his rabies infested saliva dripping off the sides of his mouth. The two animals had become a nightmare for Lungiman.

Khujli had got his name because of the dirty,stinky tomcat he was, always scratching himself and anyone who would get anywhere near him. Word on the streets had it that he belonged to the German Bhikhari,who had come to India on a visit, but lost all his belongings,including his passport. He had slept under the very tree for many months, until the cops came and deported him back to where he came from.Unfortunately, he left the big katzen behind.Since then, the cat had been living on the tree and making the life of passersby,hell.The stench coming from the big cat was unmistakable.

The other animal annoying Lungiman was Sadakchhaap,the rabies infested canine whose favorite sport was ambushing and getting hold of the ankles of unsuspecting people walking on the street, and chasing any and every thing moving faster than him on the road.His favorite victim was Shotgun Papa.On numerous occasions he had chased Shotgun papa’s bike and got hold of his sandals. Shotgun Papa was fed up of buying a new pair of sandals every week, and it was burning a hole is his pocket. Many a times, shotgun papa had taken out his shotgun in rage and wanted to fry the canine, but Billo was an avid animal lover,and she would not let him harm the poor animal. Billo owned a cute little pooch herself. If there was one creature in the world the stray canine was scared of, it was Kala Murga,a giant rooster who was better at ambushing and biting skills than the dog,itself. Sadakchhaap would change his direction and run for his life, if he saw Kala murga anywhere in the perimeter of 1km.

The stalking continued for many months, and after getting numerous scratch marks on his head and his shoulders due to Khujli everynight, one day, Lungiman approached Manhoos Patla and told him that he was done with.

“I cannot continue with this work anymore. I have more scratches on my back now, than that cat has on its own body.And the stench of it, makes me want to puke. And that stupid dog is forever waiting below the tree to shred me to pieces. And what’s the point of continuing with this assignment.All I see every night is a shadow of a girl go to bed, she switches off the lights, I raise my lungi and give two seetees. Anna lights the torch and that’s it?? What’s the point behind all this? And what’s with the strange glow in the room? “

“Do your job.Dont ask too many questions. You are being paid well for it.”said Manhoos Patla.

“ Oh well, I’m done with it.I cant bear the burning scratches on my back anymore. That cat will someday knock me off the tree and I’ll become the food for that stupid dog,”

“You cannot back off anymore!”

“Why not?”said Lungiman in anger.

“’Cos if you back off, you will be a goner.”said Manhoos Patla.

“What?? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, what I mean. Now get back to work. You don’t know who you are working for.”

“I’m working for Babu baatli.”

Hearing this, Manhoos Patla gave out an evil cackle.

“Babu Baatli is working for someone too.And they are dangerous people.Now if you don’t want to die, get back to work”

Lungiman didn’t know what to say. Worried, he turned around and casually looked at Billo’s balcony across the street. That was when the thunderbolt had struck him. He had seen her for the first time strolling across her balcony. She had completely bowled him over.That was when he had whistled at her. “Phooyi Phooyeee..” And she had smiled back.

“Bhogi, you are going to regret what you just did!”
“All this while,I never knew I was stalking such a beautiful lass.”

“Well stick to your job, bhogi! Stick to it.”

“Yeah,surely I will now. Wow!! “ said Lungiman smilingly.

From that night onwards, Lungiman would perch atop the tree at 9, instead of 11 in the night, and sit there with his binoculars. Khujli was outraged to see him come sooner than usual and he pounced on him,and gave a bad scratch across his neck.But it hardly seemed to bother Lungiman, His eyes were riveted at Billo's balcony. And there she was,in her sexy satin night gown. The tree branch almost reached her balcony across the street, and Lungiman couldn’t resist the temptation to get to it, but it was risky. The branch could break off under his weight,with the big cat forever on his heels. And right there below him, Sadakchhaap was waiting, snarling and growling like a mad dog. Lungiman couldn’t gather the guts to take the risk. One thing intrigued him again though. Billo seemed to hold something in her hands,and it had a strange glow that seemed to light up the room softly. Due to the curtains, he couldn’t make out, what the object was. But it was strange.



But the next day, things had gone beyond control. A local MLA had thrown a party in the colony for his win in the elections. The infamous Chhuee Muuee Si Nautanki Band was to perform in the night. Lungiman,as usual was perched atop the tree with his binoculars.For some reasons though, Khujli was inconspicuous by his absence. Perhaps the blinding flash bulbs of the orchestra had scared him away.Sadakchhaap was hiding behind the bushes on the other side of the colony.Probably scared by Kala Murga. Lungiman breathed a sigh of relief. The show was of no interest to him, but he was there for his Billo. But the nautanki show was too hot to ignore. Chhuee Muuee Si was doing a hot belly dance on the popular number Ringa ringa Ring. And that was when he say Billo standing in her balcony and watching the show.She seemed to enjoy it,as she tapped her feet to the beats of the song. Watching her this way,Lungiman had lost all control over himself. With Khujli no more on his tail, and no mad dog below,to dine on him, he gathered the guts to go across the branch to her balcony.

Shotgun Papa was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like the most opportune moment to Lungiman. So he raised his lungi to his knees and started crawling towards her balcony. Billo seemed too engrossed in the show to notice him on the tree branch. Before she could turn,Lungiman had jumped right into her balcony and grinning ear to ear.Watching him,Billo was suddenly taken aback and about to scream, when she realized who it was.

“Oh,its you! My rajini ! You look so hot in that lungi! “

“ And you look so beautiful in that gown !”

“I’ve been waiting for you for so long! “
And then they kissed each other.

Little did they realize that right below the balcony,in the garden, Shotgun Papa was loading up his shotgun.

“Bang!!”

“What was that?”asked Lungiman.

“Damn, its my dad!Run for your life,before he frags you.”

“Bang!!”

“Damn that dog! My glasses. I cant aim properly.”

“Bang Bang!!”

Lungiman was scared to death.He gathered his lungi and jumped on the branch from the balcony.

“Bang!!”

“Oh God!! Save me,please!” prayed Lungiman.

He crawled across the branch as fast as he could. But a new problem had aroused.Khujli was back to his position on the other side of the branch,and scratching with his paws on the tree branch. Lungiman was in the danger of falling off.

“Bang Bang!”

Hearing all the commotion, Chuee Muuee si and her nautanki band had run for cover,and the place was deserted in minutes.

Lungiman thought,he did rather get scratched and bitten by khujli than being fragged by Shotgun Papa. Right when he had thought the world had come to an end, Kung Fu Anna had come to his rescue, out of nowhere.

“Lungi,get hold of the rope and get down! Quick!” said Anna.

Right when he was about to do that, in the most inopportune moment, Sadakchhaap had reappeared on his position.Gnarling and gritting his teeth.Growling like a mad dog.

“Lungi,JUMP!”said Kung Fu Anna.

“I CANT! That mad dog will shred me to pieces.”

“If you don’t, Shotgun Papa will frag your a$$.”

“I’d rather die of a bullet, than become the dinner of that mad dog.”

“Bang! Bang!”

“Someone get me my goddamned glasses!” growled Shotgun Papa.

“Papa,please don’t hurt him! I love him! He is my Rajini!”screamed Billo.

“Get out of my sight, you little devil.Go inside.”shouted her father.

“Bang!”

This time, the shot almost hit Lungiman and he lost control.He was now dangling upside down from the tree,helpless and holding onto the rope for dear life. Sadakchhaap was jumping the best he could, to get hold of him,but he couldn’t.

“BANG!!” /*Flashback Over,Sigh!*/

“ENOUGH OF THE NAUTANKI SHOW!” growled an unfamiliar voice out of nowhere.

A big van had arrived at the scene with armed men surrounding the whole area. The door slid open and out came a FAT man,all laden with gold chains.There was something in the way he walked.He held a gun in his hand.

“Wh-Who are you?” asked Shotgun Papa,now recoiling back a bit, looking at all the armed men.

“I’m ASLAM BHURJIWALA.PEOPLE KNOW ME AS KHAN MOTA”

Hearing this, a shiver ran down the spine of the people standing by, including Shotgun Papa,Punjab Rifles Daadi, Billo, Kungfu Anna and Lungiman.They knew what a big dreaded gangster he was. They had only seen his pictures on the TV,but never seen him for real. What had the people stunned though,was the person who came out after him. It was Manhoos Patla.

“Ae Uncle..bahot hua phatake bajaana!” (Enough with the fireworks,Uncle)

/*Bhaai log don’t speak English,right?*/

“Chal re chikne, ab latakna band kar aur apni aaytam ko bol, Pooch ko mere hawaale karne ko..” growled Khan Mota.
(C’mon you,butter face, quit hanging and ask your babe to hand over Pooch to me.)

“Sirf Pooch nahi, poora kutta mango,boss!” chipped in Manhoos Patla nervously.
(Not just the tail, ask for the whole dog,boss!)

“Kisne is chidimaar ko apne gang mein liya re?” snarled Khan Mota.
(Who recruited this idiot in our gang?)

He got hold of Manhoos Patla by his neck and growled,”Pooch us kutte ka naam hai.”
(Pooch is the name of that dog.)

“Mujhe maaf kardo,boss!” cried Manhoos Patla.
(Pardon me,boss!)

Hearing all this, Billo was already in tears, as she screamed at Khan Mota.

“Why do you want my poor little Pooch?”

“HAHAHAHA!”growled Khan Mota.

“Tera Pooch koi mamooli kutta nahin hai.” he said.
(Your Pooch is no ordinary dog.)

“Let me explain,Boss.”chipped in Manhoos Patla.

“You dog has special powers,Billo. He is the offspring of a dog who accidentally ate a package of genetically modified worms that could grant special powers to human beings and make them immortal. We were exchanging the package at the dock with a group of Hungarian scientists when this dog came out of nowhere,pranced on the package and ran. We tried to chaze him,but he was too fast.It has taken us 3 long years to track the dog and his owner down. The owner is sleeping with the fishes now,but the dog had run away.We came to know that the dog had an offspring. It took us another 1 year to track down the owner of the offspring. The glow coming out of your pooch is a proof that the worm is working. We had this idiot Lungiman hired to keep an eye on you. But the moron fell for you, and we were at the risk of losing the dog again. Those worms will make my boss immortal and immune to all the formidable forces on the earth.”

“Chal re,bahot hua mach mach!” gnarled Khan Mota.
(Enough talking!)

“Give us the dog,Billo” demanded Manhoos Patla.

“BILLO,IN KUTTON KO KUTTA MAT DENA!”shouted Lungiman,still hanging from his rope.
(Don’t give these dogs, your dog, billo!)

“Then we will have to kill your Lungiman..” said Manhoos Patla.

“Let me die, Billo, but KUTTA MAT DENA!”
Khan Mota couldn’t take all the nonsense anymore. He turned to Lungiman and fired at him. Lungiman knew, it was his last moment.

/*Everything happening in slow motion now*/
He looked at Billo for the last time with love in his eyes.

/*Bullet still halfway through*/
At that very moment, Kung Fu Anna sprang out of nowhere and threw a new stainless steel TOPAZ blade at Lungiman.

“CATCH LUNGI!!”

In a move right out of matrix, Lungiman pounced on the blade,right when the bullet was about to hit him. He flicked it in true “Rajini style” and said..

“Enna Rascala,MIND IT!”

/*Bullet almost there.*/

Aiming at the bullet,he held the blade, right at the center of it.The bullet hit the blade and broke apart into two equal halves,and going past his head,missing him by narrow margin. All the years or watching Rajini movies had finally paid off! He flicked his blade once again and cut the rope,landing right on the floor on his feet. Sadakchhaap had run off hearing the sound of the gunfire. There was nothing to fear.


Khan mota couldn’t take the embarrassment anymore. He screamed at his men..
“KILL HIM!!” /*In slow motion*/

Right at that moment, Billo called out to Lungiman..

“LUNGI,CATCH POOCH…HE WILL SAVE YOU..” /* slow motion continues*/

As the men fired at him,in true Kkrisshh style, Lungiman stamped his foot on the ground, and he was airborne the next moment,as he jumped to catch Pooch. /*still in slow motion*/ /*Expression on the face like hrithik roshan shivering in anger*/

As he got hold of Pooch,there was a sudden gush of power in his veins. Still airborne, he screamed, “I HAVE THE POWWAARRR!”

POWWW!!! A single blow across Khan Mota’s face had him flying across the place, right on top of the banyan tree,where Khujli was waiting for his victim. He jumped right over Khan Mota’s chest,and scratching him all over like a wild cat!

Holding his Paragon chappal in one hand,and Pooch in the other, Lungiman went flying across the place and slapped Manhoos Patla right across his face. Manhoos Patla was thrown across the bushes,right in front of Sadakchhaap. One look at him snarling and gritting his teeth,with saliva dripping off his mouth, and Manhoos Patla fainted.

Watching the formidable power of the LUNGIMAN in front of them,the other men laid down their weapons and ran for dear life.

Lungiman couldn’t believe the power that had taken over him. One last time,he flew across the place with Pooch in his hands , and landed straight in front of Billo.With love in his eyes, he handed over her priced possession,POOCH.

“Here,keep him safe. He is precious, and so are you!”

Shotgun Papa was mighty impressed by the display of Lungiman’s power.

“All the time, I knew, my girl had chosen the right guy to be her life partner!”

“Then why were you shooting at me,Sir?”

“Oh well..err..’cos you were wearing polka dotted underwear.”

And then it struck him!

“Yikes!!! Where is my lungi?? “




“Somebody, somebody save me from this stinky scratchy cat…Please HELP ME.”Khan Mota was crying at the top of his voice.

Just then,the Police arrived/*Late as usual*/ and got hold of their priced catch, Khan Mota and Manhoos Patla.,for whom they were looking for years.











Arreh wait, Kahani abhi khatam nahin hui..



Lungiman and Billo got married.Now they run their very own detective agency, BILLO DETECTIVE AND STALKING SERVICES”.And thanks to Pooch,the miraculous dog, their venture is doing great, and they are very happy with each other.

Shotgun Papa realized his duty towards social causes,and got Sadakchhap and Khujli treated at Hiten Bhai Veterinary clinic. Now he owns them both.And though it took a few years to teach the two stray a bit of manners, they are doing fine now. Sadakchhap was rechristened Dobey.Now he doesn’t chase cars and bikes anymore. Khujli was rechristened Gato,and he has grown a lot more fatter than before.
Meanwhile, Shotgun papa is taking lessons in aiming with a shotgun at a local shooting range.

Lungi and Kung Fu Anna continue to be great friends. They plan to start a hotel chain of "chaineej fud" and offer 5% discount on all their delicacies, for lifetime members. So generous!

Punjab rifles daadi has gone back to Jullundur for more air rifle practice.

Khan Mota and Manhoos Patla are currently held at Arthur Road Jail and are being tried for several cases of extortion, drugs and other contraband trafficking against them.

No one knows, what happened to Babu Baatli. Some say,he never existed.That it was Khan Mota,himself.