Here are some more...

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some do not have film.

Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wo not come to yours

Appetite comes with eating.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, And so am I!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

Can vampires donate blood?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

Drilling for oil is boring.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?

If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea.

remember my name you will be screaming it later!!

He who could foresee affairs three days in advance would be rich for thousands of years.

Dyslexic man sells soul to Santa... Film at 11.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Borrow money from a pessimist, they do not expect it back.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

Can dogs have Dog days

Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he is locked in a cage and thats all you feed him.

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good.

Of all the people I know, you are one of them.

The average housefly lives for one month.

Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

AOL for Dummies is kind of redundant, do not you think?

One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak.

No amount of sizzle will make a bad steak good.

When you live next to the cemetery you cannot weep for everyone.

Iam not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?

A man does not seek his luck, luck seeks its man.

Do not be irreplaceable; if you ca not be replaced, you ca not be promoted.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Earth first...well mine the other planets later.

If it was not for my random motions, blurtings and actions, I would be as normal as you.

If you went back in time and killed your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her?

Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?

If you love something, turn it loose. If it does not come back, hunt it down and kill it.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?

Hygiene is two thirds of health.

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid immense confusion?

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.

Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Iam not crazy; Iam just sanity challenged.

A synonym is a word you use if you ca not spell the other one.

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Gravity never loses. The best you can hope for is a draw.

The smallest thing outlives the human being.

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

A wolf in sheeps clothing needs professional help.

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I do not know, and I could not care less...

It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Iam definitely, positively, maybe indecisive.

A tree falls the way it leans.

As the big hound is, so will the pup be.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought Where the hell is the ceiling?!

What's another word for synonym?

Eat well, drink in moderation, and sleep sound, in these three good health abound.

Look down if you would know how high you stand.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.

If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?

Due to financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished.

Hypochondria is the only disease I have not got.

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

What's the opposite of opposite?

There is no limit to the amount of good people could accomplish, if they do not care who gets the credit.

Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but ERASE something on paper?

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

Crime does not pay, but the hours are good.

Reason is a metaphore of the flat earth.

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.

Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?

Marriage is not a word, It is a sentence.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

No man limps because another is hurt.

This email is never sent unsolicited. It is only sent to you because you are lucky enough to know the sender.

The journey of a thousand pounds begins with a single burger.

Why are things typed up but written down?

Why do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?

Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

I have discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?