> Richard Hammond: The Day I Died.

ONLY the bloodshot white of his left eye gives any sign of how close Richard Hammond came to death after crashing a jet car at 288mph.

Speaking for the first time of the horror smash just 33 days ago, the Top Gear star and Mirror columnist said: "I was upside down inhaling a field. My nose and eyes were full of earth. I'd gone ploughing on my head.

"My very last thought was 'Oh bugger, that's gone wrong. Well, we're checking out now. You've had it'.

"I was aware of my brain saying 'We'll wave the flag' - and that was the point I passed out. Doctors use a point system. Fifteen is normal, three is a flatline. I was a three. I was that close to being dead.

"I was in a bad way when they came to get me. The air ambulance guys were amazed I was still breathing.

"Next thing I know I'm coming to in hospital. As far as I'm aware, I got into a car in York and woke up in Leeds."

Richard, 36, crashed his Vampire car at Elvington airfield, York, about a month ago. Astonishingly, the man nicknamed "Hamster" is now ready to return home.

Talking to the Mirror at a secret hideaway where he is recovering with his wife Mindy, 35, and daughters Izzy, six, and Willow, three, he said: "At first they said I'd be in hospital for 15 months.

"Yet here I am ready to go back home after five weeks. I'm so bloody lucky. I can't believe it.

"At the time of the crash I was doing 288mph so it's incredible that every doctor I've spoken to tells me I'm on course for a 100 per cent recovery."

The horror unfolded at the end of a day's Top Gear filming after Richard clambered into the phenomenally powerful jet car - holder of the British land speed record at 300.3mph - for one final run.

He had already made a series of successful runs getting faster at each attempt. He said: "It was the same every time. I got in, I sat there, a man came along, knelt on my chest and strapped me in with this bloody great harness.

"Every time he used to hurt me so much - and I'm bloody glad he did.

HE made sure my crash helmet was on and my visor was down. Then I put the starter motor on to start the jets and was ready to go.

"The car has got less knobs and buttons than a Nissan Micra. It's great. All you do is get in and press a button, literally.

"You take your foot off the brake and just set off down the track with unbelievable acceleration."

"There's no fear because you have to reassure yourself before you do something that the machine is good, the place is right and you're not going to suddenly have a cow on the track or something.

"You become in a suspended state of concentration thinking about what you're going to do. But there's no fear.

"If there was fear it would mean we'd have left something in the air.

"You have to be really strapped into these things and you wouldn't strap in if you thought 'I hope it doesn't crash'. That would just be catastrophic.

"So you go in thinking 'We've done everything, I know how the thing works, I know where I'm going, I know what I'm going to do. Let's get on with it and let it unfold'."

Richard set off on his final run and gathered speed. Then appalled observers saw the open cockpit Vampire suddenly hurtle out of control and crash.

The presenter said: "The car ended up upside down. There was just a roll bar above my head and I was breathing a field.

"Apparently it's true that I told them I needed to film a piece to camera. But I'm buggered if I can remember that.

"It's normal in serious head injuries that you get this initial moment when you think everything is OK. It's like after tripping over on the pavement and getting up like you meant to do it.

"It was like me getting knocked down by a bus and jumping up saying 'I'm fine, everybody!' But very quickly after that, things deteriorate sharply. It was 50/50 what was going to happen. I may have been dead, I may not have woken up.""

Two investigations are under way into the crash but Richard is adamant all safety procedures were followed to the letter.

He said: "I've absolutely no idea what went wrong. One minute I was there and the next I was buried head first, off the track.

THE whole idea had been to experience driving something very unusual. We chatted about the jet car and all I had to do was drive it. It was so easy.

"We wanted to use the afterburners because essentially, if an ordinary car has about 100 horsepower, after you light the afterburners it has 10,000 horsepower.

"It's an amazing amount of power. All I wanted to do was get to the point where I could drive it with the afterburners on, which I did. Apparently there was a load of stuff in the papers about us breaking a land speed record.

"That would be stupid because we'd be putting too much pressure on ourselves to hit a target.

"And in the Top Gear sense it's exciting enough, given that we're all 10-year-olds, just to go 'It's got a jet! How does it feel?' It was my job to explain how it feels. Get me in the car and I'll tell you what it's like.""

Richard is aware that the spotlight is on Top Gear now that the crash is being investigated.

He said: "On Top Gear we live in a world where we have to deal with an element of risk. It's our job to minimise it.

"We're so used to sitting down and deciding how to do things. It doesn't happen without a great deal of work and would never be any other way.

"So in my mind it was less calculable that anything had gone wrong. We spend our lives minimising risk so that's what I couldn't believe. That it had actually gone wrong"

He laughed as he added: "I was actually quite good at driving it. But clearly something went wrong and the day didn't turn out as we planned...to put it mildly!"

For the test, Richard was wearing a set of bright silver Formula One-style flameproof overalls. True to form he had entertained the crew all day darting about as the "Silver Flash".

He said: "I'd laughed about those pants all day. They were the silverest silver you've ever seen. But the point was, I had all the gear, we were all aware of the risks. It's the nature of the job."

Richard describes the crash helmet he wore as the "most spectacular crash helmet you've ever seen". He revealed the manufacturer wants it back to test, saying with a smile: "They told me, that after all it's the fastest test we've ever put it through."

But ultimately, he wants it back as his one souvenir of the day he almost lost his life.

Richard said: "I want it to go in a plinth on the wall in my office. Definitely.

For all I know, it saved my life. We proved that it's worth taking the measures that we take.

"If everybody hadn't been on their toes, if we hadn't had the best possible safety gear, if the crash helmet hadn't been the best, if the helicopter hadn't taken off...

"The very fact that I made it, is testimony to the fact that the precautions we ordinarily take are worth taking. I'm living proof that safety works."

It is hard to imagine the Top Gear ace so recently came so close to death. That bloodshot eye and his gaunt and pale complexion are the only giveaways.

POPULAR Richard, loved by millions of fans who have been praying for his recovery, joked around with his daughters, made faces and laughed over lunch.

And he smiled at the fact that it is only five weeks after he cheated death that he can properly describe what it is like to travel at 288mph in a jet car - and what it is like when it all goes horribly wrong.

Before he headed off for a much-needed nap, he had one final thing on his mind. Richard said: "Do you realise how annoyed I am that I've got no marks on me? Absolutely nothing at all, nothing for the pub.

"There are people who fall off their trikes at the age of four who've got better injuries than me. I've been through hell and I've got nothing to show for it except a chipped tooth! I'm gutted."

RICHARD Hammond's wife Mindy today tells for the first time how she learned of his horrific high-speed jet car crash - and the anguish she and daughters Izzy, six, and Willow, three, endured as he battled back from the brink of death.

IT was a perfectly ordinary Wednesday. Earlier in the day I had spoken to Richard as normal. He was really excited when he called me and said: "Guess what? I'm just about to get in a jet car." I said: "Right-oh" - and thought nothing more about it.

Richard does all sorts of dangerous things and if I worried every time he did something daft I would never sleep. That was the last coherent conversation I would have with my husband for a fortnight.

It was about a quarter to six and I was about to get on a horse. The girl who was teaching me had a call from our au pair Ela, who said I had to call Top Gear's Editor Andy Wilman because Richard had been in an accident.

Hammond and Mindy

I'd never received a call like that before and I knew it was really serious when he said: "I'll meet you in Leeds."

It was my worst nightmare and my heart started to pound as I ran to the car. I yelled and screamed all the way home but pulled myself together before I saw Izzy and Willow.

I told them: "Daddy's bumped a car and ripped his clothes so I have to take him some new ones."

Hammond and family

Izzy examined my face and could tell I was really upset. She looked at me as if to say: "I don't believe you," but Ela was fantastic and took over.

I threw a bad assortment of clothes into a suitcase - mainly pants, socks and a massive dressing gown - as I called Richard's parents to break the news. Even though they were terribly worried, they offered to come to the house and look after the kids.

I was in such a state as I got into the car that I was still wearing my jodhpurs and had to go back inside to get trying to think of the worst thing that could have happened and how I would cope.

From that point until I reached the hospital, I went through every emotion it's possible to go through. I did all my crying and shouting in the car, needing to get it out of my system before I saw Richard.

I had three mobile phones with me and it seemed as though the whole world was ringing and texting. Our friends were watching the news break on TV and were trying to get hold of me.

I'd been warned that TV crews were already waiting at the hospital so it was arranged that I could sneak in a back door. Andy Wilman was waiting for me and walked me to the intensive care ward, where Richard was lying unconscious behind a curtain.

He was on a life support machine with a tube down his throat breathing for him and he was covered in wires and tubes. I expected him to be mashed up but apart from one of his eyes, which was red and swollen, he looked like Richard.

I found a space between all the wires attached to his face to give him a kiss and held his hand. I rarely left his side for several days.

In some ways I was prepared for the trauma of seeing Richard in that terrible state because 13 years ago I watched my father Bert slowly deteriorate and die from liver cancer, aged 67. As a child, I'd also seen my elder sister Sarah in a diabetic coma.

During the next few hours Richard's younger brothers Andy and Nick arrived, as did Jeremy Clarkson, James May and some other members of the Top Gear team who set up camp downstairs in the reception area.

When they hugged me it felt like my big brothers had turned up. James was very upset and Jeremy said he just wanted to be there for me. It was a terrible night. The worst moment was when a young chap in his 30s, who was in the next bed, died with his family around him. Because I'd been with my father during his last few days, I recognised those terrible sounds we make in our last moments and that was hard.

I thought: "These people are sitting next to me watching their loved ones drift away and here I am, desperately willing my husband to live."

I knew that the first 48 hours were critical for Richard but at 4am he started to deteriorate.

The nurse was performing regular "observation tests" to gauge his reactions, trying to get him to open his eyes, squeeze her fingers, wiggle his toes and talk. But nothing was working on his left hand side which was a big concern.

The nurses never say exactly what's going on, but there's this unspoken thing - you look into their eyes and you just know it's really bad.

Because Richard didn't respond the nurse had to cause him pain by jabbing a blunt instrument into a tender area at the top of his nose. It was horrific to watch and I begged her not to hurt him.

I could tell the nurse was concerned because she wasn't getting any reaction from him and I was becoming more scared. It was touch and go.

I asked her: "Would it help if I shouted at him like I do when he's drunk?" I was worried that I would disturb the other patients on the intensive care ward but she said: "Yeah, if you can get him to do something, shout."

I bellowed at him: "Richard, you bloody well squeeze her fingers because it's bloody important!"

There was a tiny little squeeze and I thought: "Thank God." After that he started to improve.

Five weeks on, I find it very hard to remember the sequence of events because I spent so long in hospital I lost track of time.

Various members of the Top Gear team kept telling me I should take a break and try to sleep but I said: "How can I do that? If he opens his eyes and I'm not here I will never forgive myself." I didn't eat for four days until one evening when I had the chronic shakes.

A couple of times Richard opened his eyes which was heart-stopping for me. But he looked blankly across me and closed them again. I couldn't clear the thought from the back of my mind he might not recognise me. I tried to be upbeat and talk to everyone.

Richard kept pursing his lips as if he was kissing and I said: "Look, he's dreaming about Angelina Jolie." We were joking around the bed, hoping he could hear and trying to trigger some reaction. Sometimes I felt a glimmer that he was listening.

He was an awful patient and did some terrible things like pulling all his tubes out.

It took three people to hold him down. He even ripped out his ventilator and I spent ages staring intently at his chest to make sure he was breathing. I soon learned every time he picked his nose, he was about to do something.

At one stage when I popped out of the room briefly, Jeremy ran out and grabbed me, saying: "He's said something." When I went back in the ward, he looked at me and said: "Hello baby" - but that completely exhausted him and he slipped back to sleep again.

When he started to do simple things like squeeze fingers during the tests it was fantastic. Then the doctors moved on to questions like: "Do you know your name? Do you know your wife's name? What day is it?"

I thought: "I don't even know what day it is, so how do they expect him to know?"

Two days after the accident, he pulled out his catheter, and, with two people helping him, walked to the toilet. The same day he ate a bowl of cereal.

By then, he seemed quite lucid and to look at him you'd think there was nothing wrong with him. But if you spoke to him for more than a minute you'd realise he wasn't making sense and was going around in circles.

Whenever he asked me what happened, I told him he'd been in an accident but he refused to believe it. He was in a state of confusion for a long time, so every day I looked into his eyes and said: "I'll always tell you the truth." On Friday night I still hadn't slept. Jeremy had to go back home because his wife Francie was going away but he said: "I'm not leaving here until I see you going to bed." I didn't want to leave Richard's side for a moment but Jeremy was determined he wouldn't leave until I'd had some rest.

Finally, at 1.30am, I gave in and let the nurses make up a bed for me on a sofa in a waiting room where I slept for a couple of hours. But it was impossible trying to rest when I knew that Richard was a few feet away and might wake up at any moment.

Richard improved enough to be moved to a high dependency ward but he was soon moved into his own room because he had so many visitors - it seemed inappropriate and distracting when there were so many other seriously sick people around.

On the Sunday, the doctors told me they were concerned because so many people wanted to see Richard that he was becoming tired, confused and agitated.

We agreed to limit visitors to just me and his parents - which turned out to be the right decision because after that Richard slept for a day and a half.

Richard is hard to manage at the best of times but when he was in hospital he regressed to being a big kid. He was very naughty.

He wasn't supposed to speak to anybody about work or put himself under any stress. But he kept making phone calls when I wasn't around. Even when I confiscated his phone and hid it in a safe, he managed to get hold of another one. I was so worried he would try to escape from hospital that I hid his clothes.

Sometimes he would have dark, confused moments but the doctors reassured me that it was just a phase and a typical symptom of brain injury.

Meanwhile, my two little girls were back at home with the au pair. I called them constantly, trying to sound upbeat and happy. They were used to Daddy being away at work but were finding it tricky that Mummy wasn't at home.

The children's first visit to the hospital at the weekend was extremely brief because Richard was exhausted. He could barely keep his eyes open and his balance was poor.

By then, he was attached to just one drip but we had to cover his swollen, bloodied eye with a patch so the children wouldn't be alarmed. I explained to the girls that Daddy had bumped his head and they must be quiet and very brave but I had no idea how grown up they would be.

They didn't even seem frightened when Richard kept pulling off the eye patch.

Willow is little enough that she will accept anything but it was very hard on Izzy. Her Daddy has always been Izzy's superhero and she thinks he is invincible. To see him broken, her world was crumbling in front of her.

But she really took control of herself. She gave him some pictures of cars she had drawn and a letter. She had written: "I love you Daddy. I really miss you and I can't wait for you to get better."

Then she took a deep breath and I could see she was trying to hold herself together, though her eyes were welling up. She held it together until she came out of his room then, as the door shut, she burst into tears.

Izzy missed school for a couple of days but then I rang her headmaster and said I'd like her to go back. I asked him to explain to the other children and their parents what Izzy knew and to be careful what they said to her about Richard's accident. They were really good and looked after her.

Willow also went to nursery full-time for a week because I felt keeping life as normal as possible for them was really important. We'd organised a big birthday party at home for Izzy's sixth birthday on the Saturday which we had to cancel and she was really upset. Instead, she had a small party with her cousins at a hotel in Leeds. I joined in the celebrations for a short time because I'd promised the children I'd be there, but my mind was elsewhere. I knew Richard would panic if he woke up and I wasn't there.

It seems ludicrous how quickly Richard improved and soon he was well enough to be transferred by air ambulance to a private hospital in Bristol, which made it easier for me to nip home and see the girls.

But I still spent every night at the hospital, cuddled up to Richard in his bed, which was lovely. Two weeks ago, the doctors decided he was well enough to leave hospital. It is incredible that he is as far ahead as he is. He is very tough. Some people with brain injuries take much longer to recover and have to learn to walk and talk again.

I have received thousands of letters from well-wishers, many from women whose husbands and sons have had similar injuries.

I've shed a few tears reading those, but then I've taken a deep breath and carried on again. I haven't cried in front of Richard.

Everyone is waiting for me to crack up but I haven't broken down. I'm still moving forward trying not to end up a giddy heap on the floor. But I'm sure, sooner or later, I will crumble. This whole awful experience has been a long drawn-out process and it is still on-going. I don't think anyone can understand what it's like unless they've been through it.

We have spent the last two weeks as a family in total seclusion, going for walks and trying to retain some sense of normality. Now we want to get back to business as usual. We'll live our lives as we did before, only more so.

Because Richard is still recovering he is not allowed to drink alcohol and I have joined him in that. But I am really looking forward to getting together with everybody at Top Gear for a big celebration. It will be one hell of a rip-roaring night.

I know Richard wants to watch the film of the crash but I can't really think about that yet. I have never liked watching footage of him in dangerous situations and I cried when I saw that episode of Top Gear where he went underwater in a car. But that kind of thing goes with the territory. Some people will find it hard to believe, but I feel fine that Richard is going back to work on Top Gear.

I wouldn't stop him doing what he loves. Somehow I don't think he'll get in another jet car, so he ain't never going that fast again.

If he can survive something of that magnitude, he'll be OK. He is a very good driver and has done a lot of training. Had the worst happened, Richard would have come to his end doing the one thing he always wanted to do since the age of five. How many people realise a dream like that? At no point would I have blamed anyone.

Jeremy Clarkson
Clarkson said Hammond needed to take it easy

Clarkson interview
Jeremy Clarkson has said his Top Gear co-star Richard Hammond is "completely fixed" after his high speed crash while filming for the show last month.

"He's completely fixed after his minor crash... the only thing that's really breaking his heart is he has chipped one of his whitened teeth," he said.

Clarkson, speaking at the Motor Show in Birmingham, said there were no plans to change Top Gear following the incident.

He said senior people at the BBC told him "you carry on, do what you do".

Hammond, 36, had been driving a 300mph jet-powered dragster when it veered off the track at Elvington airfield, near York, on 20 September.

Richard Hammond
Hammond began presenting Top Gear in 2002

He was treated for a brain injury at Leeds General Infirmary before being transferred to a hospital in Bristol, near where he lives.

Clarkson said Hammond still had to take it easy: "He's got to rest because although there's nothing actually wrong with him, it's better he just has some time off, writes his book, sells his story.

"We're getting texts from him every five minutes: 'I can't believe I'm not there, I really want to come,'" he added.

Investigations continue

The BBC recently confirmed Hammond had signed a two-year contract before his accident.

A spokeswoman said: "The contract pre-dates the accident."

She said the corporation could not confirm the return of Top Gear or any other future projects until it had received an update on the presenter's progress.

The final part of the Best of Top Gear, which was due to be screened on 1 October, was postponed indefinitely.

Police and the Health and the Safety Executive are continuing to investigate the crash.