Nurture Talk: What do kids really know about sex?

Kids seem to learn about sex earlier now thanks to the TV and internet, but how much do they understand?

The birds and the bees: How to talk to young kids about sex

• Start early: Don’t wait until your child hears a version in the playground, or from the TV or internet. Educate them gradually from a young age.
• Tell the truth: Don’t spin fairy tales because children tend to take you literally.
• Make it more than a physical act: Explain sex is special, that it happens between partners who love each other and are ready.
• Drip-feed information: Most seven-year-olds are ready to understand that sex is one way grown-ups can show they love each other. You may not need to go into the mechanics.
• Take a cue: If someone your child knows is pregnant, or they see a couple kissing on TV, use it as a starting point to get talking.
• Ask your child their opinion: They will be more likely to come back and ask questions when they need to if it’s more like a conversation than a lecture.

Mum Paula says: “I wasn’t told the facts of life by my mum until I was 11 – and I was so shocked I cried. There’s no doubt that kids nowadays know more at a younger age because of what they see on television. But Luke hasn’t asked anything yet, so I haven’t discussed it all with him.”
How are mum and dad different?
Luke: “Mummy has long hair and my daddy is bald. Daddy is stricter than mum. She also has bigger bo.obies than daddy.”
Mum: “I am surprised he didn’t say daddy has a penis like him, but maybe it was too obvious to even mention!”
Where do babies come from?
Luke: “Jesus puts them there. Daddies don’t have anything to do with it. They just help look after them.”
Mum: “That’s really sweet. He’s probably got that idea because he goes to a Catholic school and he’s been told children are a gift from God.”
Why do mummy and daddy sleep in the same bed?
Luke: “They sleep in the same bed because they’re married and because they’re naked. Also because they are grown-ups, they need a bigger bed to sleep in.”
Mum: “That’s a sensible answer. To him, it’s just convenience!”
What is sex?
Luke: “It’s kissing. It’s quite a grown-up, bad word though. Mummy and daddy told me not to say it.”
Mum: “A couple of years ago Luke heard the word at school and was using it wrongly when he really meant kiss. It’s true we told him not to say it, but unfortunately he now thinks it has negative connotations.”
How do babies get out?
Luke: “Do they sometimes cut the mummy’s tummy open? Usually they come out through the belly button.”
Mum: “It’s interesting he knows babies don’t always come out, so sometimes doctors cut the tummy open. That’s what I’ve told the kids.”
Why do grown-ups kiss?
Luke: “It seems like a funny thing to do. I have kissed a girl – my mum. I think I will kiss people when I get older because I don’t want to be lonely.”
Mum: “Luke went through a phase of trying to give me big snogs on the mouth, but I had to set some boundaries.”


Mum Nikki says: “I don’t think there’s a ‘right time’ to tell your children the facts of life – it’s more important to go at their pace.
“When I was Adam’s age I wasn’t very informed. I was 11 before a school friend told me the facts of life, the day after her mum and dad told her!”
How are mummy and daddy different?
Adam: “Girls wear make-up and men don’t and what else? Oh yes, boys have willies and girls have fannies.”
Mum: “At his age, I think that’s all he needs to know!”
Why do mummy and daddy sleep in the same bed?
Adam: “So they can have sex together!”
Mum: “I’m stunned – how does he know that? He doesn’t know what sex is but he must have worked out it’s something to do with going to bed.”
Where do babies come from?
Adam: “They come from a lady’s tummy. They grow in there, and get bigger and bigger.”
Mum: “I’m not surprised he knew this because he’s met pregnant friends and asked where their babies come from.”
What is sex?
Adam: “It’s when people are snogging, isn’t it?”
Mum: “I didn’t think it was a word he’d really heard before. I’ve no idea how he knows they’re linked but I suppose it’s logical.”
How do babies get out?
Adam: “They come out of your tummy or they fall out of your fanny – and they give the baby to you.”
Mum: “Priceless! I thought he’d say ‘cut out’ because he knows I had a C-section with him.”
Why do grown-ups kiss?
Adam: “Because they really like each other, like having a cuddle.”
Mum: “That’s really sweet – it’s important kids learn about sex and babies in the context of relationships.”






Mum Ruth says: “By the time I was Alexis’s age, I’d been told about sex in graphic detail by a school friend in the toilets. “It was so cold and biological, I was absolutely horrified. So from the minute Alexis was born, I made a promise to myself to tell her the truth about anything she asked, sex and babies included. So far it hasn’t been too hard to keep my promise.”

How are mummy and daddy different?
Alexis: “Daddies have less hair and mummies can have babies.”
Mum: “That’s hilarious – but in our house, true!”
Where do babies come from?
Alexis: “They grow inside ladies’ tummies until it’s time to be born.”
Mum: “I’m not surprised by that answer because it’s something we’ve discussed together and also that she’s seen for herself.”
Why do mummy and daddy sleep in the same bed?
Alexis: “Because they love each other.”
Mum: “I’m really touched – I thought she’d say because it’s warm and cosy.”
What is sex?
Alexis: “It’s love.”
Mum: “Oh my goodness, that’s innocent but it shows you that children know sex and emotions are linked.”
How do babies get out?
Alexis: “The doctor puts you to sleep. They cut the baby out of your tummy and the doctor pulls and pulls until it comes out.”
Mum: “I don’t know where those gory details came from! Maybe from hearing other mums talking about hospital.”
Why do grown-ups kiss?
Alexis: “Because they love each other!”
Mum: “That’s easy for children to understand because they kiss too.”





Mum Anne says: “So far, I’ve only told Freya the basic facts. When she was five the children were talking about how you didn’t need a man to make a baby. So I explained that a man’s seed was needed to meet the mummy’s seed. Otherwise I’ll wait until she asks the questions.”
How are mummy and daddy different?
Freya: “Mummies take you to school and daddies go to work. Mummies have long hair and daddies only have a bit. Daddies have hairy legs and mums don’t.”
Mum: “I suppose that’s true although I thought she’d say because daddies have a “busy thing” – our family word for a penis – and mums have ****ies!”
Where do babies come from?
Freya: “The mummy grows a baby in her tummy and they go to hospital to make it come out. It takes 21 years – or is it 21 days – to grow one? I’m not sure.”
Mum: “I thought she believed babies were made in test tubes so I’m glad she got this right.”
Why do mummy and daddy sleep in the same bed?
Freya: “To make sure the other one’s safe – and because they love each other.”
Mum: “That’s sweet. Freya doesn’t associate bed with anything else, which is fine with me.”
What is sex?
Freya: “Sex is what you do when you kiss. The mummy and daddy also lie on top of each other. My mummy must have had sex twice because she’s had two babies.”
Mum: “I’ve no idea where Freya got that image from – though she doesn’t seem to realise why they lie on top of one another!”
How do babies get out?
Freya: “They wriggle out. The mummy sees the baby’s head and pulls it out.”
Mum: “I don’t know where she got that idea. I really don’t want to put her off birth with too many details!”
Why do grown-ups kiss?
Freya: “Because they love each other and so people will know they are married. You can only kiss people on the mouth if they are your husband.”
Mum: “Sweet and she’s got a point!”


The birds and the bees: How to talk to young kids about sex

• Start early: Don’t wait until your child hears a version in the playground, or from the TV or internet. Educate them gradually from a young age.
• Tell the truth: Don’t spin fairy tales because children tend to take you literally.
• Make it more than a physical act: Explain sex is special, that it happens between partners who love each other and are ready.
• Drip-feed information: Most seven-year-olds are ready to understand that sex is one way grown-ups can show they love each other. You may not need to go into the mechanics.
• Take a cue: If someone your child knows is pregnant, or they see a couple kissing on TV, use it as a starting point to get talking.
• Ask your child their opinion: They will be more likely to come back and ask questions when they need to if it’s more like a conversation than a lecture

I learnt about the facts of life when I was 13. I was like shocked

The truth was really hard to digest. Facts about girls/boys growing up looked really weird in the beginning and the change in their bodies and the ways it functions

.... until the devil baptized me

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Agnel's Signature:

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds;
and the pessimist fears this is true

about the mechanics of sex, today's kids, (13 upwards), know a fair amount, about intimacy and affection within a relationship, i doubt they're fully aware of the details..

it often strikes me, that for today's kids, the goal is sex and nothing more than that...........

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patch01's Signature:

It is like food for them. Who cares about what happens to food next

_______________________________________
Agnel's Signature:

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds;
and the pessimist fears this is true