The idea was spectacular, although here is a bit of criticism.
1) Avoid words like "fellow" in serious narratives. I thought it didn't quite go with the otherwise eloquence of the narrative.
2) Broken narrative is a great technique but i thought chapter 1 and 2 were a bit too hard to digest in one read. I had to read twice, and then read it all to understand it
The point is, for a story, and a first time one, its best to keep the flow constant and not experiment that much with time
Honestly it was a good innovative story, and you can do a lot better
Cheers
Re: Nature's Veil 
...had so much to write 
