> Cricket Sledges

"Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the

score is still zero."

Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras, 1983

Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening

position and come in at no 4 for that test.

But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman

Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the

stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And he thought

there would be less pressure!

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste
like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll effing
rip your effing throat out."

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting
2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it
eating," Cullinan retorted.

Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his
bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at
the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are
you so fat?" Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make
love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit." Even the Aussie slip fielders
were in hysterics.

Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first
slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At
the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I
should've kept my legs together, Fred". The reply is classic Trueman, "Not
you, son. Your mother should've!"

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county

game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said

"It is red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for

a 6 and replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go

ahead and find it!"

Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match

Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of

close-in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.

Fredie finds this objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off,

I'll appeal for bad light!"

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character,

played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used

to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him,

they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words

describing an equally inept runner;

"When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for

further negotiations!" Incidentally, Compton was no better.

John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person

who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the

same time." Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he

had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a

county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured.

*Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.

Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run,forgot

he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In

the melee, someone decided that a second run was on.
Now we had *all four* running. Due to the confusion

and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, *all*

of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling

on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the

fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks

the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.

Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four

and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out.
I don't know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody

scorers!".

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but
continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture.
Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff.".

McDermot on arriving Ian Botham to the crease: "Ian, how is your wife and my kids?"

Kumar Sangakkara to Harbhajan Singh: "Bhaji you look good in your short sleeves why dont you wear them when you bowl too? " referring to Harbhajan's bowling action that had just been reported to the ICC for chucking.

Aamer Sohail was also involved in another famous incident. In the 1980s Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to." Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamer Sohail told Ian Botham "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."

In the 1996 Cricket World Cup quarter-final encounter between Indian cricket team and Pakistani cricket team, Pakistani batsman Aamer Sohail hit Venkatesh Prasad through a vacant area of the field for four runs. Sohail pointed at Prasad, and then to the vacant area, as if to tell Prasad that since there were no fielders there, he (Prasad) should retrieve the ball himself. The next delivery, Prasad bowled Sohail. As Sohail left the pitch, Prasad pointed him to the pavilion.

Shane Warne when bowling against Arjuna Ranatunga wondered aloud what would draw him out of his crease. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." Ranatunga not to be out done believed to have said " Then i'm sure Boony here will get it before me" referring to David Boon who was fielding at first slip.