http://www.funenclave.com/ Jokes jokes and more jokes.. a great selection of clean and funny jokes updated daily. en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:42:07 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.funenclave.com/images/fun_enclave/misc/rss.jpg http://www.funenclave.com/ http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/who-is-the-best-old-joke-33375.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:37:01 GMT Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS?

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.

"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"

Why not, said the other two.

The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".


Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished.

So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"


So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again.

Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes!

So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".


And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered.


They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!" ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/who-is-the-best-old-joke-33375.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/fight-with-wifes-begins-33374.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:34:35 GMT When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started. ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/fight-with-wifes-begins-33374.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/understanding-engineers-33358.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:19:24 GMT UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She took one look at me, threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said to me, 'Take what you want' , so I did."
The second engineer nodded approvingly.
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." ]]> Jokers Club knoughtyd http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/understanding-engineers-33358.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/newton-vs-rajnikanth-33324.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:14:09 GMT *Newton - The Father of Physics committed suicide, you know why?* *_Here are the reasons_*: Once he came to India and He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he... Newton - The Father of Physics committed suicide, you know why?

Here are the reasons:
Once he came to India and He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.In the movie of Rajnikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes:
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In one of the movies, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet.Guess, what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but he has no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet.Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time! and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops not so fast.

The Climax finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible). Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits Suicide. May his soul rest in peace:rofl::rofl: ]]> Jokers Club knoughtyd http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/newton-vs-rajnikanth-33324.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/dont-copy-if-you-cant-paste-33277.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:45:01 GMT A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"


By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water


Moral of the story:



Don't copy if you can't paste! ]]> Jokers Club C.Ronaldo http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/dont-copy-if-you-cant-paste-33277.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/enjoy-the-perfect-hubby-33253.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:03:00 GMT Enjoy The Perfect Hubby


Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs. 40,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 2,50,00,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 2,25,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go for the extra amount. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks: ............ .......


............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......


............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ ......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......


............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ ......

............ .......

............ .......


"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?" ]]> Jokers Club Ayesha M http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/enjoy-the-perfect-hubby-33253.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/influence-of-anesthesia-33227.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:58:05 GMT In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery. His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds. He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile... In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery.

His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds.
He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile and in a groggy voice he mumbled at his wife, "You are so beautiful."


Then he fell asleep and started snoring again waking up other recovering room surgery patients and annoying nurses.”

His wife had never seen him so ugly and yet so romantic. So she suppressed all her disgust of environment, held his hand tighter and chose to stuck there for a while.


After a while the man opens his eyelids again but wider and for longer time. He loves the comfort of his wife and says, "You are cute!"

The wife was disgusted, threw his hand on the bed and demanded an explanation, “It was ‘beautiful’, last time and how it is 'cute' this time. What happened to my beauty?”


The man answered, “Honey, I am recovering to reality from the influence of Anesthesia.” ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/influence-of-anesthesia-33227.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/education-ruins-your-common-sense-33180.html Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:37:03 GMT An Illiterate Father with his educated son went on a camping trip, they setup their tent & fell asleep.
Some hours later, Father wakes his Son & asks:
Look up to the sky & tell me what you see?
Son : I see milions of stars.
Father: And what does that tell you?
Son: Astronomicaly, it tells that there are milions of galaxies & planets..

Father remains silent for moment then says: Idiot, someone has stolen our tent!

MORAL: Education ruins your common sense ]]> Jokers Club C.Ronaldo http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/education-ruins-your-common-sense-33180.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/morris-82-years-young-33139.html Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:07:16 GMT Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "Wow, you're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "I'm just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'" ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/morris-82-years-young-33139.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/supernatural-power-33021.html Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:54:36 GMT There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.


This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?


So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the deaths.



Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing) patient laid there.


Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil...and they waited.


8am, the patient was still alive...


8.30am...still breathing...


Just before the 'cursed' time, the door to the ward swung open...


Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner! ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/supernatural-power-33021.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/hard-and-fast-reply-33020.html Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:44:08 GMT A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain.


'What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?'


'Throw out an anchor, sir.'


'What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?'



'Throw out another anchor, sir.'


'And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?'


'Throw out another anchor.'


'Hold on,' said the Captain, 'where are you getting all your anchors from?'


'From the same place you're getting your storms, sir.' ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/hard-and-fast-reply-33020.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/the-obliging-mortician-33007.html Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:46:55 GMT Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying. One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset... Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away.

She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.


One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The attendant apologizes and explains that they always put the bodies in a black suit as a matter of course, but he'd see what he could do.


The next day, Dorothy returns to the mortuary to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the attendant pulls back the curtain, Dorothy manages to smile through her tears as Albert is now wearing a smart blue suit.


She asks the attendant, "How did you manage to get hold of that beautiful blue suit?"


"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man who was about your husband's size was brought in, and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset, as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the attendant replied.


The woman smiled.

He continued: "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads around".
]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/the-obliging-mortician-33007.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/congratulations-32992.html Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:21:23 GMT Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the... Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However,

if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.


The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/congratulations-32992.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/millionare-party-guest-32943.html Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:12:27 GMT A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything he desires of mine, to the... A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything he desires of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.”

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?” the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!”





:rofl::rofl::rofl: ]]> Jokers Club C.Ronaldo http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/millionare-party-guest-32943.html http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/monster-32942.html Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:11:15 GMT A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran out of gas. The man walked to the nearest house and asked if he could get some gas. The owner of the house said that he could stay the night if he wished, since the gas stations were now closed.

"But I must warn you," said the owner, "there's a monster in the garage. No matter what you do, don't touch it."

With that, the owner went upstairs to sleep. But the man was curious, and went out to the garage. He flipped on the lights, and saw a huge, horrible, reptilian monster, curled up in a heaving, grunting ball in the corner. He walked close and stuck out his tongue at it. Nothing. He made a nasty face at it. Nothing. He called him some evil names. He made fun of his mother. Absolutely nothing. So he put out his finger and touched the monster. All of a sudden, the monster sprung up and roared. The man wasted no time and took off running -- with the monster in hot pursuit, and gaining.

The man found himself on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go, and the pounding steps of the monster getting closer and closer. Then the monster was upon and with one giant claw put his finger on the man's shoulder.

"You're it." ]]> Jokers Club C.Ronaldo http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/monster-32942.html