http://www.funenclave.com/ Looking for an inspiring and motivational advice? This is the section for all motivational and action inspiring posts en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:56:21 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.funenclave.com/images/fun_enclave/misc/rss.jpg http://www.funenclave.com/ http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/used-vs-loved-33365.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 05:07:15 GMT * USED vs. LOVED * * While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

USED vs. LOVED

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.


In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.


At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.


When the child saw his father.....
with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.



Devastated by his own actions..... .
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.



Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.




Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

]]> Motivational Zone Safin http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/used-vs-loved-33365.html http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/get-what-you-want-dont-go-33304.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:11:21 GMT About five years ago I took on a new client in New York City. This company had lawsuits against it, high turnover, and terrible press. One of the first people I met was a senior leader we'll call Hunter.

"Look Peter, you seem like a nice guy," Hunter said with a smile as he looked at me from across his desk, "but there have been several consultants before you and there will be several more after you. If you think you're going to change the way we do things here, well, you're mistaken."

Hunter smiled at me again and I had a strong, visceral reaction — I immediately disliked him.

After leaving the meeting I called my uncle Guy, a successful businessman in London, and told him the story. "I can't work with this company."

"Why not?" Guy asked.

"Hunter. Honestly? I really don't like the guy." I answered.

He laughed. "You don't have to like him, Peter. You just have to do business with him."

Guy was right. And he was pointing out a habit that costs many of us tremendous opportunity. Our reaction to an event creates an unproductive outcome.

In my case, the event was that Hunter told me I wouldn't be effective. My reaction was to dislike Hunter and avoid working with him. The outcome would have been the loss of that client.

This simple event-reaction-outcome chain governs most of our spontaneous action. Something or someone hooks us and we react. Someone yells at us, we yell back and create the outcome of a damaged relationship. It's not that we want a damaged relationship, it's just what happens when we yell back.

And that's the problem. The most important part of the chain, arguably the only part that really matters, the outcome, is collateral damage from our reaction. It's not intentional. We're reacting to the event. The outcome is simply fallout.

But, this time, before making that mistake, I paused; which gave my rational self time to negotiate with my emotional self. And, lucky for me, during that negotiation they must have agreed to call Guy for advice.

Guy offered an alternate chain. Focus on the outcome, then choose your reaction.

Rather than focus on my personal reaction to Hunter, Guy suggested that I focus on what I wanted, which was to grow the business.

When an unsettling event occurs, pause before reacting. In that pause, ask yourself a single question: what is the outcome I want? Then, instead of reacting to the event, react to the outcome.

In other words, stop reacting to the past and start reacting to the future.

If someone yells at you, pause before yelling back. Then ask yourself what outcome you want. If the answer is "an improved relationship," don't yell back. Instead, in a normal voice, empathize with their anger and ask some questions about the concerns raised in the midst of the screaming. That's a reaction that will achieve a better relationship.

Here's the hard part: You react to the event because it's asking you to react to it. But just because the event catalyzed your action, doesn't mean it should determine it. How you react can and should be determined by the outcome; by the future you want to create.

Maybe a colleague comes to you complaining about a situation she's in with her boss (event). How should you respond (reaction)? If the outcome you want is her feeling supported, then listen to her with empathy. If you want to help her, then offer solutions. If you simply want to get back to work, then find a graceful escape.

This is particularly useful in personal relationships. When a problem is presented to me (event), my instinct is to solve it (reaction). On the other hand, what I want most with my wife Eleanor is a strong vibrant relationship (outcome). So when she comes to me with a problem, instead of immediately trying to solve it, I ask her what she wants me to do. Listen? Solve? Coach? I am surprised, disappointed even, by the number of times she says "just listen." Wait, I want to tell her, I have ideas. Solutions. I can help. But after almost 10 years of marriage I've realized that listening is sometimes all the help she wants from me. So I listen.

In the end, I continued to work with Hunter and his company for several years. Instead of focusing on Hunter, I focused on the goal of creating a more functional, productive management process for the company.

At one point, I was back in Hunter's office, planning an offsite I was going to lead for him when I saw my book on his bookshelf.

"Have you read it?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered, "and it's not bad."

You know, I thought to myself, I might like this guy after all.

Not that it matters. ]]> Motivational Zone Agnel http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/get-what-you-want-dont-go-33304.html http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/confidence-and-self-esteem-33054.html Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:44:27 GMT Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close. One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to... Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close.


One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time.





They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good.


Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating.


These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk to Confidence. He introduced her to his daughter, Encouragement.


Encouragement and Self-Esteem went to find Confidence. Self Esteem hoped she wasn't too late. The girls found Confidence in a stupor. She was no longer a vibrant, happy young girl. There were dark circles under her eyes. She had gained so much weight from eating that she couldn't move.





Encouragement gasped and Self-Esteem cried. She begged Encouragement to do something.



Encouragement began to hug Confidence. She kissed her and loved her. She told her that she was a beautiful young lady who had a lot going for her.


Encouragement held Confidence so tightly that Self-Esteem thought she would smother her. Confidence began to cry. As she cried, she seemed to lose weight. Then a bright light suddenly glowed from Confidence and she began to smile.


Peer Pressure and his friends didn't like what Encouragement was doing and tried to attack her. They hit at her and pulled at her, but they couldn't pull her away from Confidence. Then Confidence began to speak.


"Get away from me, Peer Pressure. Take your friends and go. You no longer have any power over me." Confidence was now a glowing light. She and her friends made sure that Peer Pressure and his gang never bothered anyone in their town again.

***********


If you feel that Encouragement is not your friend, then try to find Encouragement in yourself. Self-Esteem and Confidence will follow. ]]> Motivational Zone Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/motivational-zone/confidence-and-self-esteem-33054.html