Random Thoughts....

** Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

** I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here

** When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

** I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.

** I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

** After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

** I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

** "Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."

** Give your son a hint. On his room door put this sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."

** "How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"

** How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

** Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

** Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

** Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

** I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

** Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."