> Still More Ways To Survive A Horror Movie

1. Never drink or do drugs and stay a virgin.

2. Never say you'll be right back cause you wont be.

3. Make sure your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.

4. When your searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for gods sake turn the bloody lights on!

5. If your running from a monster expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along its still moving fast enough to catch up to you.

6. Big breasts and blonde hair are a death wish.

7. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless your sure you know what you are doing.

8. If you find a town which looks deserted,its probably for a good reason take the hint and stay away.

9. As a general rule don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

10. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement especially if the power has just gone out.

11. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery that was once a church used for black masses had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or had inhabitant who performed necrophilia or satanic practices move away immediately.

12. Always check the back seat of your car

13. If on a stormy night you find a window open which you thought was previously closed do not close it it may be you only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you

14. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person(old wise and oriental,Gipsy,Indian medicine man)warns you to do/not do something do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.

15. Anniversary nights of executions,horrible murders, terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow decendent from one of the original participants.

16. If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal kill them because they are not normal!

17. Kill the person in the group that suggest you split up they will eventually get you killed.

18. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.

19. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.

20. Nothing is ever over if its still night time.

21. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.

22. Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by a maniac/monster your only way out will be to jump.

23. Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you make it out alive,it guarantees that you have no future.


24. If you DO happen to get killed make sure its in a cheap low budget gore fest with no plot so you can come back in the sequel and kick ass no explanation needed.

25. Never stand in, on , above, below,beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or any other house of the dead.

26. Don't take *anything* from the dead.

27. Stay away from certain geographical locations such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transilvania, Nillbog, The Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.

28. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as, chainsaws,staple guns, hedge trimmers,electrical carving knives,lawnmowers, butane torches,smoldering irons,band saws, or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions.

29. Listen closely to the sound track and pay attention to the audience. Their usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

30. Remember showing skin=death

31. Always be nice to the shy quiet unpopular girl in school.

32. Never watch a horror movie while in a horror movie.

33. When battling zombies always sever their heads or shoot them in the brain if they still want to eat you after that just surrender there's no hope for you anyway.

34. If your the annoying person that nobody likes and in a crap cheapo horror movie please make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

35. Never say "Who's There?" its a death wish.

36. When it appears that you have killed the monster never check if its really dead.