Auribus Teneo Lupum

am going to read this when i am relaxed

Quite scary ... well done.

Well,i was telling Agnel and bluffy in the morning that the narration of this story is impeccable.And it was expected. Its hard to find any flaws at all in the environment setup, the elements leading to the build up of tension,the use of words etc.Its just that the scenes depicting torture(or leading to it),and the story of a lunatic stalker and his dungeon reminded me of those exploitation movies of the 80s,as well as more recent ones like hostel,saw etc. I am not a big fan of exploitation flicks, but apart from that, i would give full marks for the narration,environment setup and the unsettling build up of tension.

Very well written.

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Private Ryan's Signature:

Quite a descriptiive narration...................

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heathcliff's Signature:

I had promised myself not to rely much on gore and other perverse action of a deranged serial killer for the success of this story. While the original draft, which is quite lengthy at more than 7000 words, focuses more on character development and background setting, I figured it had to be short and precise to be readable here. Of course, the 'horror' is more of a psychological one when you realize there's a serial killer among the rest of you - selling his story as a work of fiction. I'm not sure if I have tackled it to perfection, but the resolution of this story is supposed to connect the reader to the twisted psyche of the narrator. It's like sending a real beheading video to a competition of amateur movie makers.

Acting on Agni's request, I shall post a unabridged copy of the final draft in near future.

Thank you for reading this mindless trite.

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Yamaraj's Signature:

Amazing Narration
The screenplay was rushed for the similar reasons u mentioned above.
though ur intention was to connect b/w the reader & the narrator, i felt connected to the girl in the story rather than the narrator i.e. the serial killer, correct if i am wrong

I expected more gore from you, but again u gave the explanations above. and i was a bit disappointed in the ending, as i found it was to end the narrative suddenly
Tension build up was there, but on a lower side, maybe watching gore movies may have reduced the fear of it

Serial Killer on loose gives you goosebumps enuff and well it cant be termed as horror, but a thriller on the lines of as Ryan mentioned Exploitation

a Very Good Read...and would await your 7k unedited version of the story
Repped !!!!!

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xXx's Signature:

Thanks for taking the time to read it [you would have, anyway ]. Yes, the reader is made to connect more with the victim, otherwise you wouldn't feel sorry for her miseries.

Thanks for reps, as well.

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Yamaraj's Signature:

I thought the narrative was the best of the lot. More than anything else, the situational details, an important part of any story, were very good(though not perfect which i am sure is due to word limit). I mean the similes and the metaphors used in situational context.

I can understand what you want to convey but am afraid its very hard to convey that in a short story. The fact is that a serial killer is a dangerous soul only when you read about his perverse deeds in detail from friends, police, newspapers. Any killer is dangerous, but once you start talking about a character that will invoke horror, more than the buidup its his deeds that would make him loath worthy. Agreed his stalking behaviour, say, would also be an added thrill element.

So once i read the second para i knew almost the rest of it. I think as an author, thats when you try to not do what the read expects, or even try to beat his expectations. That can also be in form of making the act, thats sure to follow, revolting enough to invoke fear with the last twist of "He is Among us".

For level of details and the impeccable language, i will rate you highly, but unfortunately the story didn't invoke much fear Nor horror actually

(Ps: Don't mind a detailed review, I think you are the only one whom i can be brutually honest with and have very high hopes from in a writing contest Just my own thoughts though there are ofcourse two other judges )

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Safin's Signature:

Have Fun, Take part in debates, Read jokes, Ogle at Celebs; Just follow the Rules!

“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.”

Yeah, thanks for a detailed excuse for two simple words: "It sucks!".

Jokes asides, it really was a horrible choice of a plot for this short horror story contest. Not to mention how much I had to censor out myself for the sake of a sane and readable piece of amateur trash thrown at the disposal of my fellow members to read and decipher this verbally anorexic abomination. I'm sure it still qualifies as a horror story for the above mentioned reasons.

Thanks for the detailed review. Really appreciate it.

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Yamaraj's Signature:

yammy. scary one indeed
and very well narrated