The Final Message!

“THE FINAL MESSAGE!”

Story type: Fiction/Horror
Story characters: Ayesha M and her mother

Story: She was horrible. Her was the color of a dirty pillowcase and the corners of her mouth glistened with wet, which inched like a glacier down the deep grooves enclosing her chin. Her body seems to be very old.

Then I saw a man looking so pale. His wrists were cut and bleeding because of chains. It was seen as if he caused his own death, he wrapped his chains around her neck and suffocated to death. I was like blank and could not even realize that this true or I am watching a dream.

Then I again saw a snub-nosed, flat browed, common faced, as dirty as juvenile but he had all the manners of a man. He was short for his age with rather bow legs and little sharp ugly eyes. He had turned the cuffs back, half way up his arm, to get his hands out of sleeves.

The whole world seems to me a silent hell. I could not even breathe and the air around me felt suffocating, the whole area was stinking because of rotten dead bodies. Something very unique, which I noticed, is that these dead bodies were arranged mannerly. It seems as if am in the under ground graveyard. I shake my self a lot to confirm that I am in the real world or not!

I move forward. There were dead bodies and dead bodies in my way. These dead bodies were showing themselves how they died. The second dead body that I saw was like he had committed a suicide. I don’t even remember how I came here. He only thing, which I remember, was that I was in the parking a lot of a shopping mall moving towards my car.

Similarly this place seems to me a mall of dead bodies where I cant found a way to come out. Suddenly I saw something like bed. They were not actual beds but they seem to be. These beds like structure were carved in ground. These beds were empty. I looked back and saw that those dead bodies are lying in those beds too. I was so terrified that could not notice this before. Then I saw names written on those empty beds but not on those on which dead bodies were already there. I start reading those names. Suddenly I saw my name written “AYESHA-M” with all the data that was mine! I was as if I am not in my senses.

I was crying a river inside and was asking what have I done? Why m I here? I tried to speak but cant utter a word. I tried to shout but it seems that someone has stolen my shout box. It was as if someone is taking my soul away. Tears were running out as if they also don’t want to be with me. I was shivering very badly. I was thinking that mostly everyone got a chance to say his/her last wish but I couldn’t. I don’t even contact my mother. From contact I realize that I have my cell-phone in my handbag. I was calling my mother but no signals were there!

Then I was type of wishing that I should go and lie on that bed as it was seem that I can’t came out. But was afraid that if it will be my last breathe there. And I want to narrate this incident before my last breathe. Then I re-call my mother’s words, which she often told me:
“There will come a time when there will be no one with you. You should stand on your own and prepare for your oneself.”

These words are now fitting in this condition, no one was with me even cell-phone was not working!

I then move forward but my eyes still stuck on the bed looking backward. Then I saw forward. What I saw was really shocking. My car was there in front of me. I look backward there were cars parked and I was in the same shopping mall. I was still crying still shivering in the same manner as I was there. I was still stinking!

I took my cell out and it was working, signals were there. I still can’t utter a word. Then suddenly my mobile rang. It was a message. The message which came from the number was like this “*#00**##” I have never seen this number before. I open up the text. The text was like this

“ I hope it was enough to bring you back on the right track. This was the place for the final rest. Now you may have seen your final place too over there. You have also seen how each and every one die. You should also prepare yourself for that day so that if anyone else got a chance to come over there can see you resting comfortably there!”

I then drove my car as fast as I can. Get back to my home. Everything was normal. I narrate this whole incident to my mother. I then took my cell out but to show that message but there was no message like this. I was crying in the same way as I was there while narrating this whole incident.

My mother was stumped. She asks me that it was a wild dream. She asks me to take a nap. But I couldn’t able to sleep well because of the fear that if I again went to that place!

This message was only for me. This was so horrible that if one is not correcting him\her self have to correct them selves. Then I thought that this was given to everyone but no… if it would be given to every one then there will be no existence of evil and evil-deeds.

It seems that I got a way to start my life with a new thinking, new concept, new imagination, new plan, new rule, new faith, new principles, new belief, and new regulations in a NEW WAY!

I still can’t give a correct name to that place which has no beginning nor the end.

Nice story Ayesha, good use of language

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Ninja's Signature:

Ayesha
Very nice girl. I noticed you used a bit from "Kill a Mocking Bird" But your story was very good I am sure our hero's here won't have written anything of this sort at your age

Only suggestion, next time type in a word processor like MS Word It will get rid of some obvious Typo's

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Safin's Signature:

Have Fun, Take part in debates, Read jokes, Ogle at Celebs; Just follow the Rules!

“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.”

Great effort, Ash!

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Yamaraj's Signature:

Very confusing. I was not able to relate to the story, but it got better towards the end. You should have checked for the spelling mistakes too. But overall, considering your age, it is a very good effort indeed.

Repped.

My Rating : 2/5

And some from Oliver Twist as well.

Good editing.

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Yamaraj's Signature:

Really nice effort,Ayesha! Like i said earlier,you have the making of a good writer. Keep up the good work,and keep writing..

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Private Ryan's Signature:

Very nice message Ayesha. For your age, this is a wonderful beginning. You have a great future ahead of you

Good job

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Agnel's Signature:

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds;
and the pessimist fears this is true

an effort is called effort untill its proved fruitless.

immediate revealing points were stark difference in description of the surroundings.

plagiarism is easily identifiable in this era of digital age.

whatever it is i still unapprove the copy book.

shu Ayesha well done..