> Mottos to live by....

if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands.

Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

Guests who kill talk show hosts .. On the last Geraldo.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists+they don't expect it back.

2.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Use SWAG when making you more important decisions - (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess)

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.