Spoiler Alert : Minor Spoilers to follow
A Little Introduction
Flashback 2002. Gurinder Chadha. A largely (pun unintended) unheard Indian film maker wrote, produced and directed "Bend it like Beckham". Awesome acting, tight script and talented work all round paid off. Soon Ferrari and Lamborghini posters and wallpapers were replaced by Kiera Knightley in the rooms and hearts of teenaged boys. And brits wanted to eat Aloo-Gobhi.
Back to '06. Gurinder Chadha's second movie with Aishwarya Rai (The first being reasonably tolerable Bride and Prejudice) is an absolute and complete disaster. Geoffrey Boycott once said, when a ball went between the bat and pads of a batsmen "That gap between bat and pad is big enough to drive a motor bike through". Well the loop holes in this movie's plot are big enough to build a cricket stadium in.
The Cast- Aishwarya Rai - Tilo
- Dylan McDermott - Doug
- Ayesha Dharker - Hameeda
- Nitin Chandra Ganatra - Mr. KoHaroun
- Anupam Kher - Geeta's Grandfather
- Padma Lakshmi - Geeta
The Acting
Aishwarya Rai is fat and plasticky as usual. Unbeliveable how far good looks can take you in Bollywood.
Dylan McDermott acts just fine, however he is let down by poor direction and the poor script.
Anupam Kher, the veteran, has in total about 5 minutes of Onscreen time. This movie never really lets the supporting cast develop and evolve. So the audience never really connects with any of them. He doesnt even have a name for Christ's sake, and is credited as Geetha's Grandfather!!
Padma Lakshmi, the hot southie and now Mrs. Salman Rushdie, again has about 5 minutes of on screen time. Well thats a good thing, coz her acting skills are'nt anything to shout about.
Finally Mr. Nitin Ganatra. Anyone who has ever seen Bride and Prejudice will never forget the desi-bride-hunting Mr. Kohli or his antics. Well his role is much subdued as a New York Cabbie. Good Actor, Bad direction, ultimately as all the others, his role never really develops into anything substantial.
The Movie
So here's how it goes. I shall try not to give away any of the major plot elements. Aishwarya Rai plays Tilo, (yup, thats her name) the mistress of Spices. She runs a spices (what else!) store in US of A. Mostly Indian residents come to her to buy Indian herbs and spices. Sounds all pretty normal so far. Well she also talks to the spices, who talk back to her! Spices predict what will happen to that particular customer over the next few days, and accordingly Aishwarya gives people the spices they need!! Pretty thin plot, I know. And pretty bad direction to go with it.
Well I dont have the patience to tell you anything, like a really bad experience I wanna forget this movie ASAP. But I thought I'd warn you guys about it, as a good citizen of India it is my Civic duty to tell as many people about it as possible.
2 hours of torture, a perfectly ruined date, Waste of 200 bucks are some of the terms that come to my mind whenever I think of Tilo, Lal Mirch, Red Sarees and Gurinder Chadha. And did I mention Bad Direction ?
My Rating
2 / 10
If you still wanna see the movie, I'd say "How are you related to Mrs. Chadha or Miss Rai ?" Highlight below for some details AND SPOILERS!
Well Aish is a Mistress of spice. She isnt allowed to touch other people, only touch spices and herbs and crap. Then Dylan McDermot crashes his bike in front of her shop, and she starts to have feeling for him. As feelings develop, she starts to lose her "thing" with the spices. And for every customer who buys spices from her, something bad happens to them instead of something good. Things get worse and ultimately her shop gets robbed. Well then she begs the spices for One night for herself, and then she will be the mistress of spices forever. She goes ahead and has a One night stand with that firangi, and then her shop catches fire as well. After that the spices begin to talk to her again, and she can be with that guy, and be the mistress of spices as well. That is how the movie ends. ROFLMAO!
And yes its worse than BI2, atleast in BI2 the sex scenes were done right, Aishwarya cant even make those faces properly.
The Mistress of Spices
