Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.:Car4 :
My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together
I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time.
Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and shit for u, but for us it is bread and butter.
Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes (or brunettes
)?
A: Knock on the door.
Pilot Santa asking permission to land said, "Guess who?"
Controller Banta switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"
Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats....
Q: What four letter word starts with F and ends with K and if a man can't get it he uses his hands?
A: Fork
Q: What does a lazy dog chase?
A: Parked cars.
Short 1s
